DO YOU FEEL WORTHLESS SOMETIMES, A LOT OF THE TIME?
September 1, 2005 - by Bill Douglass

How often are you feeling worthlessness or hopelessness? Maybe more than you allow yourself to realize. Being small business people we have ample opportunity to be self-critical when things go wrong or when we fall short of our ambitious goals or expectations. This does not help when the battle to succeed is so hard and so long and it’s seemingly getting more difficult with each passing day. This can lead to feelings of being trapped and isolated motivating a desire to escape to the nearest no combat zone if you can find one. We see clear evidence of this in the divorce rate, alcoholism, depression, gambling and a multitude of other unproductive tactics used for self medication and preservation.

You are normal if you are having some self defeating thoughts and feelings. In my opinion, it is getting more difficult to find supportive souls and profitable customers and this takes a toll on us. We are members of a prestigious club which few people willingly join. We are all members of the over worked and under appreciated humans in business for themselves club. I am reminded of an old story told about owning your own business. “When you own your own business you only have to work half a day …. And you get to decide which 12 hours in the day that is”. We invented flex-time as well as the concept of unpaid, unnoticed and unappreciated overtime.

I am betting you spend some of your time feeling overly stressed leading to unproductive hours. In many cases these feelings may be driven by setting unrealistic expectations in life and in business. Is it really possible, when all factors are considered, to achieve and accomplish all the things we have on your list? Are we beating ourselves up because we never get through the things-to-do-today list? Or are we depressed because our monthly revenue goal is $50,000 and we have never done better than $35,000. But every month that we fail to meet your goal we take yourself out behind the wood shed for a sound beating.

It is time to stop playing this game and give ourselves some credit for the superhuman performance we deliver just by getting out of bed in the morning with hope and optimism, ready to do it all over again for one more day. Lesser humans would have given up by now but we find a way to press on only mildly daunted by the scale of the job ahead. We deserve a break today, tomorrow and the next day and everyday for as long as we live. There will be no end to stress and worry, and their damaging effects on us, our family, customers and employees unless we are willing to cut yourself some slack and honor our fragile nature.

I am reminded of another story regarding sales people. “Show me a salesperson that is happy with their outcome and I will show you a retired salesperson. Part of our self defeating negativity is driven by a habit of treating ourselves very poorly. We just don’t allow ourselves to enjoy our accomplishments and small victories in life and business. Too often we put ourselves and our families last in favor of the business. We are fully committed to delaying our own personal gratification for extended periods of time. We tend to see success in our business as the only really important reward. So we wait, sometimes for years to allow ourselves to feel and enjoy the satisfaction we deserve.

We allow our businesses to eat up our days to the point that we have little or no energy or initiative left to care for our selves and our loved ones. We do this by taking time away from the things we love in favor of the business. At the end of the day we do just one more little task that makes us late for dinner. We make one last phone call at the end of the day that triggers an hour of follow-up work and one less hour at home with the kids. We take just ten minutes at the end of the day to write a memo that could wait until tomorrow that leads to a trip to the office supply for an ink cartridge. These little jobs, tasks or duties take hours away from the family or away from a hobby or activity that we really love. Many of us are giving our lives away ten minutes at a time in an effort to reach an unachievable goal. What sense does that make?

The best thing you can do to take care of your family and grow your business is to take care of yourself. The people who love us see our long and slow decline driven by a self defeating commitment to our work. They see our growing lack of enthusiasm for life, the perpetual fatigue, the irritability, the self delusion that all things will be better when I start meeting my sales goals. They see we are chasing a carrot on a stick and the stick keeps getting longer. They see that our total commitment to achieving our dream is also the largest obstacle in our success. They see that introducing some balance in our lives would create a powerful strategic advantage in our business and personal life.

What could you do today and everyday to introduce balance and pleasure in your life? What can you do that is not related to your business that will help you feed your spirit and bring joy into your day? You cannot give away what you do not have. If you live your life consumed by your career you have little of substance give to your loved ones and your business community. The power to change your outcomes and improve your life will come from inner peace driven by living a balanced life. Treat yourself well and it will pay back big dividends in every area of your life.

Here is a tip: When you plan your day put one item from each of the following four categories on your must-do-today list. List one task that you do not want to do, one task you need to do, one task that you want to do and one task that you would enjoy doing today. By managing your to-do list in this way you will instantly introduce some balance into your daily routine. There will be other tasks you do in the day but I think you will find the simple focus on completing one thing you really don’t want to do with one thing you love to do will improve your outlook and enable you be more productive and more peaceful each day. Try it; I think you’ll like it.

Thanks for reading. Your comments or questions are always welcome at bill@bdouglassideas.com or you can call 586-933-1024.

b.douglass.ideas, LLC is  an executive coaching & consulting company focused on developing the people side of business.  We have 25 years experience in business leadership that produced consistent revenue growth and increased profitability.  We provide services in four areas: sophisticated personality assessments, individualized leadership development coaching / mentoring, human systems consulting / team-building and strategic business planning.  We are also qualified to administer and interpret the Myers-Briggs® assessment tool and certified in the Self-Discovery Process®.  Free initial consultations are available upon request to bill@bdouglassideas.com or call 586.933.1024.

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